Exiled Inspiration II: Vandana Kilam

8 min readJul 28, 2019

“Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.” ― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah.

Vandana Kilam was born and raised in Kashmir and is the youngest amongst 3 siblings. Her deep attachment to her roots reflects in her brief visits to the valley; cherishing nature, feeling the sacredness of all life, her heart intertwining with the surroundings, walking in harmony, bonding with children, experiencing sheer delight at the brush with innocence.

Recalling her own childhood and growing up in Srinagar she says. “ It was simple, straight-forward and naïve. To grow up in a place like Kashmir is nothing short of a blessing. There were undercurrents of unacknowledged disunion amongst us. But never articulated.”

“ As a Kashmiri Pandit I never felt discriminated personally. Though I know that my brother had to do his engineering course outside of Kashmir as he wouldn’t get admission at the REC in Srinagar even though he had fared much better than his Muslim counterparts. While still in junior school, student protests were being organised to reserve seats for Muslims in the Engineering and Medical colleges in the State. It was quite disturbing for me as friends that I had grown up with were participating in this. That kind of brought the divide to the fore. Having said that, in school and outside of it, I never felt discriminated. In fact, I got a lot of love from everyone.”

Vandana was extremely driven and ambitious, she had the ‘fire in her belly’ and these attributes helped tremendously in contributing to her overall success in life.

“I wanted to be a sportsperson. I loved being on the field the whole time, tried my hand at almost every sport that existed barring cricket and hockey including athletics; and then academics took over.” ” she laughs.

Vandana was observant and drew inspiration from several people. She had an innate zeal to learn and absorb from the environment and pick up the best. Three people in particular left a lasting impact on her personality. “My grand uncle Sh. Raghunath Kaul one of the most erudite, well-travelled and rational intellectuals I have met. He translated books from Sanskrit to English and German, he was a polyglot, a voracious reader but always open to others’ views, always passionate about what he believed in but always respectful of others’ views. I just learnt from him by observing him and his curious, questioning mind”.

“Rashid Mir uncle used to be my father’s immediate boss, the Chief Engineer PHE. The most upright, loving, knowledgeable and unassuming man. I don’t think he even knows how much I hold him in high regard.”

“ I fell in love with Shameema Dev’s voice much after I left Kashmir. Her music and effortless singing inspire me. She is a natural talent, and her passion to do music against all odds tells me that passion can do wonders.”

Whilst nature fostered awe and positive emotions, the unforeseen change in environs drained the constructive benefits. Vandana had left a couple of years before the unrest in Kashmir. She was committed to turning her aspirations into reality, for which she would have to move out of the valley. She did exceptionally well in Grade 12 and shifted to Delhi for graduation, a decision she never regrets. However, there were visits back home during holidays as her parents were still based in Srinagar, then things started to change for worse.

“Well, when the first few blasts rocked Kashmir, we were hopeful that they were stray incidents and that this unrest would die down soon. Things went from bad to worse. A lot of Kashmiri Pandits became targets, almost like an example for the rest to get intimidated by. Most KPs took the warning and fled from Kashmir. Most left out of fear of being targeted next as the announcements from the mosques and the street chanting got louder, categorically asking KPs to leave, mingle [convert] or die. It seemed very unreal at first and then most families thought it best to leave and not risk lives.”

“It was quite evident that it was not going to be safe for us to live there. The initial few years were a struggle, even though we were lucky and blessed to have a home in Delhi too. The struggle was cultural, geographical and psychological, we knew that we hadn’t left of our own volition. But we also knew that we had to make the best of it.”

One cannot be indifferent to the colossal loss, having watched her parents and extended family, friends and neighbours get uprooted from a place that boasted of living in harmony and inclusiveness.

“Something I really miss about Kashmir is the simplicity. I lived there in simple times. That’s missing from Kashmir and definitely from the world now.”

Vandana’s journey has been as placid as the Dal Lake and as turbulent as river Jhelum yet one thing stands out — she turned every opportunity, every challenge, every hardship into a reward, a benediction. Her transition from Srinagar to Delhi was probably not as challenging as some of the other members of the community.

“Delhi is a melting pot of cultures, and soon I made friends, my classmates were wonderful, so were my teachers. I went on to study in one of the most prestigious colleges in DU, Lady Sri Ram. My father still hadn’t moved, only my mother did. My sister was married overseas, my brother was studying in Bangalore. The next few years, my father would shuttle between Delhi and Kashmir. He wasn’t going to risk having us there. It was a blessing to get out when I did and continue studying uninterrupted. I know a lot of others weren’t as lucky.”

“I finished my graduation in English literature and went on to study journalism. All of this in Delhi. I joined advertising as a cub copywriter as soon as I finished. I got some plump opportunities to do television shows — travel show, theatre quiz, game shows and so on. Parallelly, I also joined a theatre group called Scene Stealers. Life was finally looking more like ‘life’. My beautiful circle of friends, my TV stint and theatre kept me more than busy. In the last 20 odd years, I have done everything that my heart desired.”

Even as Vandana was riding the wave of success, in 2006 she came upon a self-development course called the Avatar. “This really changed the course of my being. It helped me move on from the upheavals that we witnessed and lived through. It has helped me understand at a deeper level the teachings of my own scriptures, and the underlying philosophy of Hinduism. This keeps me sane and helps me follow the oneness principle that is essential to the survival of humankind. What makes this wonderful is that it bridges the gap for me between understating Vedanta intellectually and putting the teachings into practice. Love, forgiveness, openness, camaraderie…all of it comes more easily to me now than it did before. I now believe that my larger purpose in life is to heal, to love and to restore. That’s where my focus is.”

If one has emerged triumphant after overpowering adversity, hardship, the barriers — the victory tastes sweet and that’s what makes those things worth going through. So, what drives her and keeps Vandana going; having had her fair share of tough times.

“My life is a gift. I need to live it to the fullest. I need to enrich the lives of those that I touch in this lifetime, to add to their lives meaningfully. Singing and listening are the other two things that keep me alive in every sense.”

“I now live with my husband in Mumbai. I work with the Tatas, I take time off and teach the Avatar course as much as I can, I sing a lot, sometimes professionally too, though I am not formally trained, I engage deeply with people, I try to maintain peace, equanimity and levelheadedness at all times. I like to support people in their quest for leading meaningful lives. I take a stand on things that matter, that enhance humanity and the quality of people’s lives in general. Anger, vengeance, resentment, or pettiness of any kind have no place in my heart. That’s pretty much my life.”

I have known Vandana for over 40 years now (we both went to Presentation Convent till Grade 10 and Kothi Bagh till Grade 12). There was a time when we were ‘ the best friends’ yet so different from one another, she was everything I was not — sports lover, confident, outspoken, mischievous, a real tomboy, multi-talented, fiercely competitive, ambitious, high energy, adventurous, focussed — the list could go on. Very early on I had noticed ‘big dreams’ in her eyes and she left for Delhi to pursue them while I stayed back in Kashmir; then exodus took a toll on our lives and priorities. We finally caught up and like an eager student I heard her unfurl the milestones of her incredible journey and not once did she play the victim. I thus discovered a new facet of Vandana, a diamond thoroughly glazed now — charming, stunningly beautiful diva, so composed, so evolved, so spiritual — her life an open book, her transformation an inspiration. She is an example to follow. She continues to love Shameema Dev, Rashid Hafiz and Vijay Malla and some of her favourite songs remain Tse kamyu karinei taeweez pann, Bedard daadi chaani and Bel tei madal. Needless to mention her numerous feats; she has acted in a play with Victor Banerjee and shared the stage with Raj Kumar Rizvi and Radhika Chopra.
In a recent chat she acknowledged “Music is my lifeline. However, every time I have tried to organise myself around it, it never seems to last. I used to drive 40kms to learn from Rita Gangulyji. Though my association with her lasted only 6 months, it taught me many things, at a deeper level. For instance, how to be appreciative of all kinds of music. Not to judge or dismiss music or musicians of any kind or genre. Any singer will tell you that 4 days of training in a month [it was only every Sat or Sun] for 6 months is not even a drop in the ocean where knowledge and training of Hindustani music is concerned. I rue the fact that I couldn’t carry on with the training. But the singing carries on uninterrupted. I may not bring a lot of technical prowess in my music, but I know I bring a lot of soul to it.”
“I started taking lessons in Mumbai from Ustad Siraj Khan sahib, after 5 months had a severe bout of allergy and wheezing and got put on heavy medication, haven’t quite recovered from that, as a result, no classes since November last year, hope to resume, but I do keep singing.”

Vandana is truly an embodiment of beauty, talent, compassion and perseverance. Having carved a niche for herself in the world of PR and Corporate Communications Vandana is currently the Vice President — Corporate Communication at Tata AIA Life Insurance.

“I do not exist to impress the world. I exist to live my life in a way that will make me happy” ― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah.

Learn more about Vandana here:

Originally published on July 27, 2019 at https://www.facebook.com/notes/389764385721121/

Exiled Inspiration II: Vandana Kilam

Written by egzīld

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