The truth you speak has no past and no future. It is, and that’s all it needs to be. ― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
And truth be told, the image of Parul for me remains of ‘the little girl’ of Zutshi household; yet when I see the transition to a beautiful, strong, successful woman — having gone through the grind only to shine — I am truly inspired and delighted. I felt I had to do a story on her even though we have not been in touch, I have kept myself abreast through her parents.
Our experiences as children make a big impact on us, and eventually the inner strengths that we nurture help us adapt to the changing world, various versions remain etched there in the annals of mind. They say ‘use the past to enhance the present’ but Kashmir being so complex one has to carefully sift through the emotions to separate the wheat from the chaff.
“My most beautiful early memories from childhood are from Kashmir; while there are many, I still sometimes dream about a specific one, I vividly remember tending the garden on Sunday mornings with my grandfather, this used to be the high point. Ironically, I lost my childhood due to that very Kashmir; I grew up suddenly as a consequence of the struggles of exodus.” Pain and longing no matter how well camouflaged reflect in the nostalgia of the journeys we undertook, some by choice, some by force.
Parul’s life before exodus, like most Kashmiri children, was fairly uncomplicated and equally unpredictable.
“Maybe I grew up in a cantonment area, studied in the Army Public School, was a bit sheltered from what must have been happening in rest of the city, so did not face any direct discrimination as a minority. Also, my parents and rest of the family were extremely secular in their outlook and beliefs, hence nothing untoward was discussed at home either.”
Peeping into Parul’s life story, I observe how our memories define us; remembering a situation, or a person can evoke emotional distress or delight, joy or anguish. We may not feel the intensity of the actual experience; the recollection can be pleasant or painful, nonetheless.
“There are many memories, some tangible and some intangible. ‘Roots’; a place called ‘Home’ where I could go to, my parents, my brethren could go to. It will get very difficult for our coming generations to feel the Kashmiriyat we feel.”
“Miss the carefree child who got lost somewhere between leaving Kashmir and resurfacing in Jammu many years later.”
“Walking on dry chinar leaves in autumn.”
“Shikara ride on Dal Lake in setting sun with Shankaryacharya and Hari Parbat lighting up in the background. At the same time a distant Azaan somewhere in the backdrop.”
“Running down to open the front door when my mother would be returning from work.”
One meanders through the tales that unfold, the experiences frozen in time, it seems as though the mind can summon memories of the past and recreate an emotional experience, even if momentarily.
“I associate most Kashmiri songs with my grandmother, and she would typically sing bhajans. I remember sleeping and waking up next to her with her humming these bhajans, I have fond memories of all of those”. Parul often finds herself humming just like her Grandma “Aisai sharan karme daya, om shri ganeshaai namah” and “Harmokh Bartal praaray madano” Her favourite Kashmiri singer? “undoubtedly Vijay Malla.”
Parul had dreams, as a child those dreams made her enchanted brain perceive the world as a vast assortment of possibilities and the dreams changed with changing times and circumstances.
“My earliest memory is that I wanted to be a journalist. Then for the longest time I wanted to join the defence forces and work for the country. I finally ended up in the Corporate sector and I do enjoy what I do. I am extremely thankful to my family, especially my father who let me make my choices and stood by all the decisions I made.”
An example of how inspiration motivates and helps one achieve great heights; pulls one towards something that stimulates the mind and spirit; that would be Parul. She believes in herself; and the voice inside her knows that her will is unflinching.
“I mostly draw inspiration and strength from within. Have had my share of highs and lows in life and I am currently also struggling with a major one but have taken them in my stride and they have made me the person I am. Whenever I am faced with a difficult situation, I constantly remind myself of the times when I survived, got through the challenges and even surprised myself. I see strength in my own abilities and fighting power.”
“Indira Gandhi is someone I find inspirational. She once said, ‘To be liberated, woman must feel free to be herself, not in rivalry to man but in the context of her own capacity and her personality’ I find this truly inspiring.”
With deep sense of inner strength — agility and persistence — to deal with difficult situations and surmount life’s challenges; Parul has had to alter the way she viewed situations and open herself up to life’s possibilities.
“After Kashmir, I had to start life completely afresh from nothing, in a new and not very congenial environment. It was easy to get buried in the pain and listlessness, instead I rose from the ashes like a phoenix. Withstood all challenges that came in my way to live the life I am living now. I studied hard, worked hard, strived for excellence and tried to make my parents and loved ones proud.”
“And while I nursed the scars, I made them my strength too. It keeps a fire burning inside me all the time which I channelise towards getting ahead in life, doing the right things, being there for people so that they do not have to go through what my family and I had to go through.”
For Parul perhaps something transient or peripheral would not have brought true happiness and fulfillment.
“From early on in my life and career, I had clarity around what I wanted to do and step by step worked towards it, brick by brick built it up over many years. There has always been objectivity and calmness around the academic and career decisions I have made. I have been extremely fortunate to have worked in organisations like Turner Broadcasting, Airtel, Vodafone, Samsung and now Apple. They gave me opportunities to excel and deliver work of high quality, looking back I am extremely proud yet not complacent.” She has clearly worked towards moving forward in life and not fallen into the quagmire of complacency. She has aimed to be the best and climbed the corporate ladder quickly.
How do I know Parul? My earliest memory of her comes flashing back as I recall the initial days of exodus in Jammu during 1990’s — the community taking refuge in Geeta Bhawan, the tattered tents, the uncertainty, the false hopes, the delusion, the unending ‘migrant relief’ queues…… amidst all the ambiguity and despair when my mother, a Professor, got placed in the Camp College it brought some respite to our festering wounds. That is where Parul’s father, Prof. B.L. Zutshi (Mattoo) and my mother became colleagues, two migrant teachers who were destined to become like family and develop a deep bond.
How pain binds a community reflects in their struggle, the challenges of exodus were same for everyone and at that point they appeared insurmountable — some languished in camps, some in one room tenements, some holed up in houses of relatives — everyone was trying to make sense of the circumstances. The Zutshi family too had fled from their warm hearth in Shivpora and were trying to make the best out of worst, ensuring a secure future for their children. And then there was the lady of the house, Parul’s mother — Usha Aunty — with her positive attitude, gracing adversities with a smile, raising two wonderful kids, Kalhan and Parul. Theirs was just another quintessential ‘migrant’ family and we all shared the common agony of separation from our motherland, in this separation the community, colleagues, family, cousins, friends stood firm together — we mourned, we tried to let go, we counseled, we rejoiced, we cared, we struggled, and we also tasted success.
And success did knock their door, Parul Mattoo with her impeccable track record is based in Gurgaon as Head — Demand Generation & Local Marketing Initiatives at Apple, India. An alumnus of Lady Shriram College, Delhi, she studied English Honours. Kalhan Mattoo, Parul’s older brother, is a leading architect and a renowned name in his field.
“Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself” ― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
Parul the, fledgling I saw back then, has taken a flight, and with an unshakable spirit, soared to great heights.
Originally published on November 28, 2019 at https://www.facebook.com/notes/657571538262819/
© Jheelaf Parimu Razdan
